Friday, December 17, 2010
Now that A's is over, there isn't much things to do left. I'll exercise once in a while, watch some anime and spend the rest of my time sleeping. Life is boring now. I'm going for a job interview later and hopefully I can get the job to help me kill time. I have been sleeping like 8 to 11 hours a day including naps. This just proves how free I am. If not I'll be spending time playing chess with the computer to get myself frustrated because I keep losing to the computer. I don't mind going for an outing but most of my classmates are scholars and they are back in their hometown. Furthermore, some of my classmates just stays at home everyday or hang out with other friends. Luckily I still have some close secondary school friends to hang out with. Otherwise, I would have died from the lack of social interaction.
Being bored is one thing. What's worse is that I don't get to see LiWei anymore and its tearing me apart on the inside. Felt like I lost her even though she wasn't mine to begin with. She was my hope and source of strength. Now that she isn't here anymore, I felt like I lost my hopes,goals and whatever strength to pursue my aims. I can't help thinking of her everyday. I've tried so many times to forget her but I just couldn't do it. I hope that I can get the chance to be her friend at least. If I get the chance, I will definitely seize it without fail. Sometimes chances are created. Up till now I still have no idea how to do that, but I'll try to think of something before I get enlisted. Before that, I need to stop myself from being so depressed about it everyday. Need to stay strong!!
Speaking of enlistment, my last medical check-up was on Dec 2!! That means my enlistment date is going to be very late!! Crap! All the medical check ups wasted so much of my time and now it is going to waste even more time. Just how much time have I lost? and how much more am I going to lose? It has its pros and cons just that I can't weigh which is more... Hope I receive my PES status and enlistment date soon.
Just applied for PSC scholarship recently. After reading some articles of "Flawed" PSC scholars and why people reject their PSC scholarships in the end, it makes me feel kind of guilty. Like what the articles wrote, many of the applicants like me, are only attracted by the monetary benefits, education opportunities and good career prospects that PSC scholarships have to offer. We are blinded from the responsibility and expectations of receiving the scholarship. Although its not like I will receive the scholarship definitely, but I think that I should get my intention right before I apply. Until now I'm still considering to cancel my application. Do I really want to serve in the public sector or do I just want an education opportunity and a good, stable income. Furthermore, I think that people like me who lack confidence will unlikely be shortlisted for the scholarship. So applying for it would be a waste of time. Deep down my heart, I just want the education opportunity it has to offer but I don't want to end up having a job that I would not like as the jobs are posted based on the need of the public sector. At the same time, I'm also afraid of the responsibility and expectations that are attached to the scholarship. Maybe I'm just not suited for this.
Too lazy to write anymore. That's all for now! Hope things will change for the better.
Labels: BF, Life
Innocence
11:58 AM
