Friday, August 6, 2010
Outburst
I'm finally back to this blog once again!! Just want to vend my anger and frustrations this time. I'm coming to a point where I can't hate my class any further because it's already at its peak.
Firstly, my classmates are always on the rush to go home. I don't understand why do they always have to rush home so quickly right after school to the extend when I ask them to go have lunch before they go home and they refuse, going home immediately. Is going home as soon as possible really that important? Is there gold for them to dig at home? Can't they even spare a hour or something once in awhile? Although not all of them are like that but most of them are like this.
Secondly, someone should really accept the fact that some guy already has a girlfriend and should stop sticking to him so closely like his concubine or something. What really disgust me is that when the couple were asked to take a couple photo, she went to disrupt the photo shoot out of jealousy (If it's not jealousy, why wouldn't she disturb the other couple?). I was really shocked and disgusted by her act. I know it is hard to give up on someone you like because that's what I'm trying really hard to do now. But then, it is really not right to continue to behave in that way. So I hope she can get over it soon.
Thirdly, some of my classmates are really incentives driven. Although in economics, we study that economic agents reacts according to incentives, however, some of my classmates are really putting them into practice. Ok maybe its just a few like Adib and Daniel. There's no way you can get them to help you unless you give them the incentive to do so. It really fry my brain when I have to come out with multiple incentives to get them to do something. The more I think about this, the more I'm frustrated about it.
Furthermore, many of them are so non-participative. They always assumed that certain activities and events are lame when they didn't even put in the effort to even try and take part in it. How would they know it's not fun when they even participate in it? Honestly, I don't want to say this, but I cannot find any better words to describe this - Its fuck up to the max. I hate such people. If you had tried and you still find it boring then I have no comments. If you hadn't tried and you already complain, then I suggest you go hell, seriously.
The only thing I like about my class is that its quite a good class in terms of studies. I am proud to be in S17 but then that is all to it. I can't believe that Randy said we used to looked like we were very bonded. We are not bonded in the first place. Initially it was just KI/GP cliques, now its even more segregated. Even if there is outing, its usually held among the cliques, especially the KI gang (although it consist of a few GP people and not all KI people are in it) in our class. They like do their intra clique celebrations and outings. When you asked if they are going out, then they will tell you "Ya, you want to come?". If you didn't ask them, they wouldn't bother to ask that. They will ask you whether you want to join them so that they got excuse for outcasting people because they ASKED you already.
There are a few things I hate about myself and I must change them.
1. I do not have the courage to face BF. Every time, she is nearby and she sees me, i will keep my head low and look down or I'll behave as though i didn't see her. I can't stand myself for behaving so cowardly. I definitely must change this.
2. Moreover, I spend too much time on the computer everyday!! The opportunity cost is so high and yet, I still have the balls to waste so many hours on it everyday. How ironic isn't it?
3. There's a habit which i had been trying to change since years ago, nails!! I keep biting and plucking my nails and this is some serious disorder that I must try to overcome because sometimes it can get out of hand and at the wrong time. It is becoming more daunting as time becomes more precious.
4. Past few weeks I had become very vain in the sense that i will keep using my phone as a mirror to check my hair every few minutes and I'll spend a few minutes adjusting my hair. Again, this is eating up a lot of my time.
5. I always worry too much about things and I even worry about the simplest things of not explaining something clearly even though I have already tried to explain it. I'll revise my explanation and try and explain to people the 2nd time.
6. I get satisfied too easily. Although my grades sucks, I'm feeling satisfied and complacent because the percentiles are pretty high, but it's not right to think this way because it weakens my resolve to do well.
3 Things I need now are...
1. The ability to focus!! So that I wouldn't waste so much time and I can have more time for revision.
2. Luck, in the sense that can bring me closer to BF and talk to her, to start knowing her and more!
3. Otherwise, I need a strong steel heart to forget her so that I can focus more on studies knowing that its pointless to hope.
Ok! thats it for now! Wrote so much rubbish. Its time I go sleep and I'll start my war with my homeworks tomorrow!! One last thing! I hope Li Wei will find out I love her a lot despite being so cold towards her. Ok! SleepzZzZ...
Labels: BF, Life, Work
Innocence
11:52 PM
