Wednesday, October 13, 2010
Final Journey
Tomorrow is my last official college day. Its sad to leave everything behind. Especially the wonderful times I had spent with my friends, whether are they from rock climbing or my classmates, the time we have spent together is irreplaceable. I will miss my friends, my cca, my tutors and my school grounds. Even though the buildings are dead, they remind me of each and every single experience that has occurred at each places. From the torturous but fun trainings at the track, rock wall and fitness corner, to the wonderful times I have spent chatting and having lunch with my friends in the cafe and to the fun and joyous lessons in the classrooms. I really don't want them to leave. There are so many things that I don't want to part ways with. Although I don't want to part ways with Best friend but I promised to stay focus and try to forget about her so I will remain strong at heart to fulfill this promise. Although there are hard, sad and stressful times, but they have helped me to gain more experience, knowledge and skills. This has helped me to develop abilities that is necessary for survival in the society, even though I don't really have experience of how the society functions yet. It is heart rending for me to have to say goodbye to all these fun and memorable times. Back to reality, it is natural to part ways with things and people. One day, we will all have to part ways with our family, friends and the things we possessed. I hope that I'll learn to treasure people and things more. At the same time, I hope my heart will become stronger so that I'll be able to accept this unavoidable fact. However, the more you treasure them, the more painful it is when you leave them. That's what I am afraid of. I'm really afraid and sad when it comes to parting ways. As a man, I must be strong physically and also mentally. Therefore, I'll learn to accept this natural occurrences as soon as possible.
Ok now about studies. I did pretty well for prelims which is making me worried right now. People may think that I'm mad but I'm worried because I get complacent easily!! I'm trying my best to study as much as possible but I realized that I'm studying at a much slower and relaxing pace. When I mean relaxing, I really mean relaxing. I can take about a few hours just to complete one paper which is supposing to have a time limit that is less than half the time I spent. This is extremely fearful. If this low productivity keeps up, I'll end up doing badly for 'A"s. Furthermore, for the past few days, I find it relatively harder to maintain my ultimate concentration(I'll ignore all movements and anything that is happening around me). This ability is something I do not wish to lose even though it has its bad points such as ignoring my friends. However, I strongly believe that being focused is important and is necessary to be successful in doing a task. There is one thing that is hindering me from effective studying. That is drowsiness!! This occur sometimes and it never fails to happen right after lunch. My mind will just blank out and I'll just stare at my work with my eyes half opened. Not only am I not absorbing anything, I'm also wasting my time! This cause me to incur a high opportunity cost! Sigh, next time I'll take a half an hour to an hour nap after lunch. Otherwise, precious time would be wasted again. One last thing about studying is that I need to balance my studying across all subjects and more on GP and Econs. These 2 subjects are my weaker subjects and I really hope I won't spend too much time studying the other 3 subjects at the same time I must be able to retain my knowledge and skills for those 3. It will be hard to manage all 5 at the same time especially when I always tend to spend too much time revising a single subject. Hopefully all will go well.
As for other stuffs, recently the weather is disgustingly hot. Especially at home where they are multiple appliances and electronics switched on. The amount heat generated makes me feel like I'm living in a microwave oven. Its even cooler to stand outside my house then to stay inside. I think my area is particularly hot because when I travel to other places, it is much more windy as compared to my neighborhood. Furthermore, for the past few months, my grind have been sweating a lot at night. It is only at night!! I have no idea why, but it just keeps sweating and sweating for no reason which makes it hard for me to sleep. No matter how many times I shower to cool my body, it just continues to sweat. I think its some kind of illness. Seriously, I need to move to the poles or invent some kind of portable freezer that can fit my entire body in it.
As or best friend, recently I get to see her more often which I'm quite happy about. However I still get pretty stressed and nervous when she is around especially when she knows that I like her. If only Adib have not told his friend, life would have been much simpler.
Well I won't be able to see her very often after tomorrow which makes me kind of sad. Sigh, whatever happens, life still goes on. So at the moment I can only take one step and count one step. Thats all for now!
~Alvin
Labels: BF, Life, Work
Innocence
9:13 PM
Friday, October 1, 2010
A Cycle Repeats
Prelims has ended not long ago and everyone has been collecting their results for the past one week. It causes quite a lot of stress when we don't know what grades are we getting. I understand the worries people will have when they are uncertain about their performance. Sometimes my worries came true and sometimes it doesn't. Although most of the time I ended up screwing up certain subjects. Some people may think I have too high expectations because I'm always aiming for As and sees other grades as being screwed up. However,they always fail to realize how much things have I neglected in order to obtain the grades that I want. Well I need to be more positive looking. Even if I obtain the grade I was initially planning for, I would feel pretty sad if I didn't fair as well as the rest. It's like I'm increasing my expectations when my initial target was lower. Well, I have one last part of my results left to collect, Econs essays. Hope, i can pass the essays at least. I really really hope i can pass the essays. Shall not keep my expectations too high so that I'll not be too disappointed.
Sometimes I feel desperate and it's probably because of more stress. However, I'll always try to forget about BF or anything else and just immense myself in work. I ended up becoming a robot as a result. So even though I may feel desperate for a girl, I'll try not to think about it too much and let fate does its job. I promise that I'll try not to think of BF anymore and just live life as usual.
Sigh, life kinda sucks when all the things i does is just studying. Well it has been like this all along. There are ups and downs in life and we must pull through the difficult times. We must learn from our past mistakes and emulate our past successes. Though it can be exhausting and draining, we must always try our best. We may become sad when we don't get the things we want, but then life still goes on. It is not easy to cope with these problems and sometimes it may take a long time for us to get over it. However, I think this is part of the growing up process which makes us stronger physically and mentally. Lol although I may understand all these stuffs, but whether can I put them into practice is the real challenge.
Sometimes, I think I maybe drawing some attention (not trying to boast or something) and this makes me feel compelled to behave less actively and more quietly. It's like I can't be myself. It's probably I don't want to show any flaws to people I'm not close to. Although, I may feel quite happy about it, but on the other hand, I don't feel free and easy. Hope, I can get over this and just be who I want to be.
Well, everyone is starting their revision and I think BF is doing that too. Lol speaking about BF, I think I'm losing my peripheral vision because I don't spot her as easily now. In the past even when I'm not looking directly at other places, Ill notice her when she walks pass. Nowadays, my radar is not performing as well compared to the past. Kind of tiring to keep studying. I need to have a break soon so as to maintain a good mental health. Many people tends to neglect their mental health as they thought by revising more they would do better. However, this leads to more stress and it tends to be counterproductive. On the other hand, some people may end up resting too much and hence they didn't really revised anything. Knowing this, I'll try to keep myself happy all the time as I become stressed up easily lol. Time really flies, 2 years is almost over. How sad it is, I will miss school life. It will be a lot on discipline once I enters army. Lol this is something I should worry later otherwise my brain would be overloaded.
Love to blog after every few weeks because there is so much to reflect on. Although my life story may not be as interesting as others, but I think it definitely shows how much have I changed or grown. For now I'll try my best to be stress free because I work best without stress while some people may need a little stress to push themselves. Ok! thats all for now! This time round, it will be studying for As!!!
Labels: BF, Life, Work
Innocence
9:26 PM
